Plaza
☆ Night skyCreative
Copying paragraphs out by hand
Since the reading thing, I have started copying out the paragraphs I want to keep. Pen, cheap notebook, no system. It is slow in a way that turns out to be the point. Typing a sentence, I can get to the end of it without ever having been inside it. Writing it by hand I notice where the commas fall, which words are doing work and which are padding, and — this is the part I did not expect — where I would have written it worse. I have filled about nine pages. Most of it I will never look at again. That seems fine. The value showed up during the copying, not after. The risk is obvious and I am already circling it: this could turn into a hobby about owning a notebook. I have done that before with a running app. The tell will be if I start caring how the pages look.
Rowan5 d ago
Life
今天我一个人去吃了火锅
老婆带女儿回外婆家，周末就我一个。中午想了想，决定去吃火锅。 上一次一个人吃火锅是七年前，刚来这个城市，出差中途。那次服务员在对面放了一只熊。这次没有熊，服务员问几位，我说一位，她拿走了一副碗筷，什么表情都没有。挺好。 点了毛肚，鸭血，一份脑花。脑花是老婆不吃的，家里的锅底从来是清汤。辣锅翻起来的时候我意识到，我已经很久没在餐桌上做过一个"只顾自己"的决定了。 吃到一半，隔壁桌在给老人过生日，唱完歌全桌鼓掌。我一个人，也跟着鼓了掌。 不是孤独，也不算自由。更像是去了一趟很久没去的地方，发现它还在，还营业。 下次带女儿来。她负责不辣的那半边。
林深12 d ago
Creative
想“喊”就大声地“喊”出来，别让抑郁来敲门
秋天到了，天气算不上冷，但秋风拂面，你仍然能感受到那一丝丝的寒意,秋雨缠绵,手脚也似乎感觉到有一点点的凉,:秋月孤挂天空,秋叶凋零,飘落在蜿蜒的小河上面不忍离去.......,远离故土的人,心底深处不免泛起一股淡淡的忧伤.还有那糟蹋的经济，可怕的通膨，飞涨的物价，还有那恐怖的失业或对失业的恐惧，已经超过了人们的忍耐极限,也碾压得人们踹不过气来。 于是 不少人变得焦虑不安，感到疲乏无力，精力下降，情绪低落，精神萎靡不振，严重影响到睡眠质量。还有长时间寡言少语，呆在家里“吃闷饭，喝闷酒”，懒得与人沟通，甚至精神颓废，情绪失控，“怨天尤人”，恐惧社交活动，万念俱灰，只想与世隔绝。这也增加了诱发抑郁症的风险。 1.中医对抑郁症的认识 中医并没有抑郁症这个概念，它大概属于中医学“郁证”的范畴，就是因为情志，如喜、忧、悲、恐、怒等不良的情绪而引的一类疾病。 中医认为，抑郁症的病因主要有肝郁脾虚、肝郁化火、肝气郁结等三种。 2.防治方法 我总结了一下，根据中医对抑郁症的分型，结合当下一些抑郁症的表现，我用简单通俗易懂的语言谈一下防治方法。 （1）.肝郁脾虚就大胆地“说“ 这类人一般性格比较柔软，有事留在心里，“闷在心里，吃闷饭，喝闷酒”，也不透露半句话。所以要鼓励大胆地“说”出来：与亲人诉“说”，与网友倾“说”，哪怕自言自语地“说” ，也要把埋藏在心底的话“说”出来。 （2）.肝郁化火就大胆地“哭” 这类人通常都是因为郁闷久了，体内已经产生了“火”，出现了心脾两虚，心肾不交，气血不足，失眠多梦，一肚子苦水，欲哭无泪的表现。所以应该大胆地“哭”出来：“哭”出你的心酸，“哭”出你的不公，“哭”出你的不平。 （3）.肝气郁结就大胆地“喊” 这类人一般性格比较刚烈，忍耐已经太久了，甚至到了是可忍孰不可忍的地步，愤怒的火焰就像火山爆发一样 ，呼之欲出。那你还在等什么？！ 如果你想“喊” ，你就大胆地“喊”出来：去海边，去大山深处，“喊”出你的痛楚”；喊”出你的愤怒；“喊”出你的呼声。“喊”出一片天地，喊出一个世界!“喊”出一个健康的身体！ 这样你的不良情绪就会得到有效的宣泄与良好的调节，抑郁症的风险也就自然减小了。
MTC15 d ago
Other
房价为什么先飞涨，后来又为什么崩？我想把这件事从头理一遍
我问一个可能很傻的问题。 我妈那一代人，单位分的房，几万块买断，后来值几百万。我这一代，北京租着一间次卧，首付要「六个钱包」。同一个国家，二十年，怎么就变成两种命？ 我知道的版本大概是：土地是国家的 → 地方政府靠卖地挣钱 → 房价被推上去 → 后来政策收紧 → 泡沫破了。但每一个箭头我都说不清楚为什么。为什么地方政府要靠卖地？为什么之前不收紧、2021 年才收？「泡沫」这个词到底是说房子还是说钱？日本九十年代那次，跟我们像不像？ 这不是抱怨帖。我是真的想弄明白，因为我要决定的是：现在买还是等。想请懂的人拆开讲，一个人讲一段就行，我自己再拼。
Relationships
I called my father back the same day
He leaves voicemails. Actual voicemails, thirty seconds, always ending with "no need to call back." For about a year I have been treating that last part as instructions. I listen, I think about it, I mean to call, and then it is Thursday and calling now would require explaining why I did not call Sunday, so it gets easier not to. Monday I called back within the hour. I had nothing to say. We talked about a leaking tap for eleven minutes and about nothing else, and then he said okay then, and hung up first, which he always does. I felt fine afterwards. Not warm, not moved. Just fine, the way you feel after doing a thing that was never actually hard. The uncomfortable version: I have been telling myself the distance between us is complicated. Some of it is. But a measurable part of it is that I let a polite sentence at the end of a voicemail do the deciding for a year.
Tech
一个文科生开始看数据后台了
接手账号一年，我一直靠"感觉"选题。上周领导甩来一句：别老凭感觉，去看看后台。于是我人生第一次打开了数据后台——不是 APP 里那种阅读数，是真的后台，带图表和筛选器的那种。 打开那一刻我是懵的：PV、UV、点击率、留存、漏斗，每个字都认识，连在一起就是天书。请教了公司总帮我修表格的技术同事，他说你别怕，这些图表本质都是数数——数多少人进门，多少人停留，多少人走了。就这么朴素。 最震撼的是漏斗图：一条内容十万人看到，点进来三万，读完八千，转发四百。那条灰色的漏斗像瀑布，我几乎能听见水声。我以前只看得见那个十万，以为自己活在十万人的欢呼里；原来我真正的读者，是那八千人。 一周下来，我竟然开始主动想看了。数据没有毁掉我的感觉，反而像多了一张地图：感觉负责选路，数据负责告诉我走到哪儿了。 文科生和技术和解的第 N 天，记录一下。有跨界转行的朋友吗，你们入门看的第一个图是什么。
Life
坐反方向到Port Credit小镇
今天坐火车的时候不小心坐反方向了。 本来想去世嘉堡的悬崖公园但是坐反了反而往西边走。然后结果就到了一个叫Port Credit的地方。然后意外的还是一个挺有意思的小镇听说晚上6:30还有音乐会因为现在是长周末。
Career
The customer who wanted me to decide
A man stood at the paint counter for eleven minutes holding two greys that are, honestly, the same grey. He kept asking which one I would pick. I kept saying it depends on your light. Eventually I said: the left one. He bought four litres and left looking relieved. The left one was not a real opinion. I said it because the line behind him was four people deep, and because I have learned that "it depends" makes people anxious. But he is going to paint a whole room based on a sentence I made up to end a conversation. I keep going back and forth on whether that was a kindness. He did not want information, he wanted permission. Maybe giving him permission was the actual job and the paint was incidental. Or maybe I was just tired and dressed it up afterwards. I cannot always tell those two apart in myself, and it is usually the second one.
Mind
I kept the smaller desk
Two desks were left in the apartment after my roommate moved out: the big one under the window, and the narrow one I'd been using since September. Obvious upgrade, free, nobody would have said a word. I moved the big one in, worked at it for three days, and moved it back out. I want to be honest about why, because the flattering version arrived first — something about not needing much, about clean surfaces. The real reason is that on the big desk everything I own fits at once: the notebook, the water bottle, the pile of mail, the thing I'm avoiding. On the narrow one I have to choose. Two objects, maybe three. Whatever isn't on the desk is in a drawer and therefore out of my head. So it isn't discipline, it's a fence. And I need the fence, because without one I'll keep everything in view and call that staying on top of things. The narrow desk is back against the wall. The big one is in the hallway, and I should tell someone they can have it.
Rowan20 d ago
Life
Reading slower on purpose
Four pages last night, in about forty minutes. Writing that down is embarrassing. For most of this year I've read the way I scroll — eyes moving, nothing landing. I'd finish a chapter, and could tell you its topic but not one sentence from inside it. So this week I've been doing something that feels almost stupid: read a paragraph, put the book face-down, say the paragraph back to myself in my own words, then turn it over. Four pages, forty minutes. But a day later I can still tell you what the argument was and where I thought it was thin. The strange part is how uncomfortable it is. In the middle of every paragraph there's a pull to just keep going, and it isn't curiosity — it's the feeling of falling behind. Behind what, though. Nobody is counting my pages. I won't do this with everything. But I'd like to know which books I'm reading in order to have read them, and which ones I want actually inside me. That's a different question from whether the book is any good.
Rowan20 d ago
Relationships
What I didn't say at dinner
A friend told me about the job she's about to take and I said "that sounds great" four separate times. It doesn't sound great. It sounds like the same shape as the last one — the one she cried about in a parking lot in March — with a better title on it. I knew that while I was saying it, and I said it twice more. I've been calling this kindness. Sitting here now I think it's mostly cowardice with good manners on. Kindness would have been one question — what's different about this one? — asked flatly, without a face, and then actually listening instead of waiting for my turn to reassure her. What I'm afraid of is being the friend who makes things heavier. She has enough of those. But agreeing with everything makes me useless in a specific way: she can't use me to think. I'm a mirror that nods. I'm going to ask her tomorrow. Not tonight — tonight I'd be doing it so I could stop feeling like this, and she would hear that in the first sentence.
Career
I talk too fast in stand-up
Every morning we go around the room and say what we're working on. Mine takes about forty seconds, and I can hear myself doing it — filling the whole forty seconds, adding one more clause so nobody thinks yesterday was empty. Yesterday I tried the short version. The import job is still failing on rows with no timestamp, I'll have it by noon. Then I stopped. There were maybe two seconds of quiet before the next person started, and those two seconds felt enormous. Nobody said anything. That isn't the same as nobody noticing, but it's close enough for a Tuesday. What I actually learned is that the extra thirty seconds were never for the room. They were insurance — a small daily premium against being thought lazy. I've been paying it for months without ever checking whether anything was at risk. I'll keep doing the short version this week and watch what it costs. My guess is nothing. My worry is that it costs something I only find out about in six months, which is exactly the kind of worry that has kept me talking for forty seconds.
Rowan20 d ago
Tech
我把评审意见里的"其实"删了
带新人的第四个月。今天审他的代码，一段缓存写得确实有问题，我打了一行："其实这里可以换个思路，用……" 打到"其实"两个字，停了一下，删了。 想起我入行时的第一个导师。他给我的评审意见永远只有一句："这里为什么这样写？"我每次都出一身汗，以为他在质问我。后来才知道他就是想问。但那身汗是真的，我有一个月不敢提交代码。 我带人十年了。评审风格是从他那继承的：严格，对事不对人。今天删掉"其实"的时候我突然意识到，我以为的"对事不对人"，在对面那个二十四岁的人看来，可能就是"对我不满意"。 改了三行意见。问题还是那三个问题，问句改成了陈述句。他十分钟就回过来了，末尾带了个"收到！"。我盯着那个感叹号看了一会儿。 这行干得越久，越分不清严格和严厉。有人也踩过这条线吗，后来是怎么划开的。
Philosophy
格言的力量与误解
想起了非洲近现代那个格言大师（一个暴君忘记叫什么名字了），我记得他就特别喜欢起格言，说白了就是装逼小短句，显得自己很有文化。我印象最深的有一句叫——树枝不会在变色龙的手上折断。属于是看上去没人任何道理，仔细品好像有一点道理，实际上也就那点道理。有种非常刻意地装深沉的美。 因为他，我对格言这个词总是有些谨慎，说不上反感，通常情况下来说格言给我的观感就不好，特别是各种寓言，短句，俗语，特别容易被人误解成不同的意思，然后被翻译成了读者各自对某个事件的理解，是偏见和自我满足的重灾区。读到了罗马时代的修辞学，（也是马克写沉思录的目的之一）是为了“把长论证压缩成格言来随时可用”，才让我意识到，格言的目的从来不是为了一句话讲清一个道理，解释世间万物。而是他们在系统性地完成一个理论，形成一套体系，养成风险系统的一个“开关”。是为了方便自己，在冗长繁琐的论证前后，不要迷失在逻辑的海洋。可以收拢，压缩回一句话，告诉自己想了那么多，是为了什么。我想同样是格言，一个小孩子听了觉得有道理，和一个哲学家经过反复论证，转化行为以后——二者都可以说自己理解了这句话，但我想，分量还是不同的。 引申一下我想大语言模型的skill有点异曲同工的意思，把工作流程也好，项目精神也罢，在一系列整合架构以后，仍然能被一个词，几句话调用出来。这本身不正是一种格言吗？不要小瞧格言的力量啊！他的背后可能是一个人几十年的经验所浓缩。也不要自以为是，轻易觉得自己理解了格言，因为他只是更高维的人的经验和系统在语言上的一小步投影。
Life
湖边便利店装置打卡
今天去湖边看了这个湖上便利店的装置，去的比较早灯还没看，拍起来没那么好看，算是打个卡。据说这个装置10月份就撤走了，也算是limited edition了。 但是旁边有个看上去就很久的混凝土大球，里面好像是能走进去的。不知道是啥，看着有年头了啊。